Needless to say, it didn’t surprise me that after that incident – a policeman turned up that evening.
He popped his head round and asked me what was going on.
I felt guilty so I was polite and told him it was just temporary – in a few days we’d be gone.
He took my details and didn’t mention any shoutings at old ladies. To be honest he didn’t seem remotely surprised by the situation and I couldn’t help but feel that he wasn’t even bothered.
He was talking about us needing to move on when we could and I was gazing past his head at the sunset behind.
Whatever dude. I thought. Fuck off to your house and leave me be.
He moved his head into my view and I frowned at him.
‘ Gylisa ? Do you want to take this ?’
He was holding a card between his fingers for me to take. I looked up at him and saw kindness in his eyes.
‘ It’s my number – Police number- ‘ he said more officially.
‘ If anyone gives you any trouble. Give me a ring. You do have a phone don’t you?’
I nodded and he smiled at me.
‘ Good. Take care Gylisa.’
It made me feel wierd.
Why do I feel so on edge all the time ? I wondered.
I just felt like I had no where to go – I couldn’t shut the door on the world after a hard day. I was on display 24hours a day.
I was beginning to feel more and more that I was on the sidelines of society, and that I wasn’t a normal person like everyone else.
I didn’t even feel I deserved to have a normal life, that’s what Dad had always told me. That normal was for everyone else – and I wasn’t meant to fit in.
I felt so lonely in the days while Ryan was gone. No one from home had contacted me. I’d thought maybe they were trying through Facebook, but I’d checked sneakily whilst Ryan was in the loo and I was ‘guarding’ the phone and there wasn’t anything.
No one cares that your gone G, just face it. I thought.
And with no messages from them I just felt even more that I couldn’t contact anyone.
Iv never felt more alone than in those moments, and it cemented even more so that I shouldn’t go back. I was stuck here, whether it worked out or not.